Dealing with a Long Distance Relationship: A Message for my Faraway Significant Other

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Dear you,

I have learnt the art of waiting, and so have you. We, staying at a distance of 1340…1429…1585…Kms (forget it) split apart like the supercontinent of Gondwanaland, understand that it is not going to be easy. However, we also know that these extra miles can make the simplest of memory seem extremely significant. Let us not fall into the trap of clichés lamenting how we cannot live without each other. Let us stop spamming our minds with inconsequential talks which would only contribute to negativity. Instead, we can share a thousand little things, like the sweet walnut toffee that I tasted, or the cute little kittens you caressed, a short piece that I managed to inscribe, or the collection of novels you wish to read.

Fairy tale romance and fantasy relationships with tinselly stories sound preposterous. Carrying shared experience even when you live apart forms the real meaning of the word ‘love’. Love is not only a feeling which comes or may announce its departure, but a conscious decision, a promise to have faith in the honesty of the other individual involved in that relationship. I won’t romanticize love as being divine and heavenly, but it definitely offers the strength to face the large defeats and keep trying regardless of the blows one faces.

Sometimes I feel lonely missing your presence, but I realize my mind is an alchemist surprisingly, with an ability to discover fulfillment even in fragmented reality.

I manage to be the fool in this tragic world and swear by ‘pancakes and mustards’ that pining for love is for starry-eyed lovers. We should rather assure each other of the support we shall constantly provide to stay together. Let us live in the present and not get seduced into the past or future. Getting etherized and forgetting your own self in love is suffocating. What is liberating is to love unconditionally while keeping your individuality intact. Let us say, “I love you”, not because you are the best, and I am the sweetest, but because it’s love for no reason, an emotional response.

A long distance relationship is challenging but what makes it successful is the amount of effort we put to make it work, despite all constraints.

The point of convergence we carve to make ends meet at some point encourages us to keep holding on to the person even when circumstances are not so bright, not so sunny.

Trust is not easily built, and distance makes it even harder forcing us to make judgments and assumptions that are exaggerated and untrue. Such irrational thoughts disturb our peace of mind and we become paranoid even to trivial events. Listen! We can have a long conversation not because we are obligated to, but because we want to.

Our relationship survives because we have ‘hope’ that the two of us will end up together, sharing mutual interests and values.

Sure, you do not know how I behave when bogged down by failure, get offended when someone comments on my appearance, make weird faces when I am extremely happy, nor do I know how you react when disturbed by continuous messages from friends, jump on your favourite meal, and keep your table messy and denying it.

It’s probably easy to idealise in our mind and get caught up in the cinematic nature of thoughts, but what is difficult is to face the mundane yet important meetings of life. It feels unpleasant and even miserable but gives an experience which is REAL. It tests your patience but your conviction determines whether the relationship will last or not. Perhaps, it looks risky and pointless, but does it mean we should not try?

With love,

XYZ

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