Contagious cheerfulness and uncontrolled outbursts of mirth (and some candy) are mostly what I am waiting for, this Christmas. Happy, angry, stressful, mischievous, lonely, optimistic – this year has been an interesting medley of exotic flavors with its peaks, loops, twists and turns. That’s a student’s life for you! To make it all easier and remembering the holiday nature and the spirit of carnival, I would like to plead my case.
Some of these things on my wishlist may sound unreal, but hey, a kid can dream right? I’m sure you can work your magic and save me from the nightmare that every semester becomes! Here we go:
1. Proxy Attendance Marker
How do you maintain a hundred percent attendance? Poking your eyes with a sharp stick, you drag yourself all the way to college banging your head against a brick wall, still in half-sleep. Nothing works. But this magic marker would work wonders. If used once on your professor’s attendance sheet, it would automatically mark against your name even in your absence! You see why this tops my list, Santa?
2. Sleep-Study Machine
Look Santa, I honestly have nothing against exams. But my sleeping habits do. Setting an alarm for 5 A.M. in the morning and trying to wake up with the idea of being productive during exams, but eventually just giving up to be in bed is a regular occurrence. But, this machine would help me tap the energy used in sleeping to convert it to studying. So, unlimited sleeping would equate to unlimited knowledge! Pretty please?
3. Eat Everything, Gain Nothing
I advise my friends to not ask me to take a bite, because I will take the largest bite possible. Even when I offer someone food, I secretly hope that they say NO. But with my undying love for food, comes the wretched weight that even relentless workouts can’t get rid of. I agree size matters and nobody wants a small size pizza. I’m a college-going, active, young citizen of my country and I need all the energy I can get. Even if it comes in the form of gluttony. So how about we give me the power to eat all I want sans gaining on the pounds, eh?
4. A Secret Library in My Pocket
Getting hold of all the collections with vintage copies, I wish to secretly escape to a private library, whenever books and assignments and college drama weighs me down! What delight is it to look at words play and balance themselves on the edge of a blade, bleeding on paper to paint emotions, aspirations and creativity?! Imagine, how dramatic would it be if you could speak to the authors, you love, in the library sharing cups of brewing coffee?
5. Shaka Laka Boom Boom Pencil
That kid Sanju ruined my life, trust me! Let’s admit that all our life, we aspired to get hold of that pencil, and not him, of course. Life would have been so much easier. This is me trying to satisfy my inner child, Santa. Idle doodling in class will start doing wonders, you feel me?
6. ‘Neuralyzer’ from Men in Black
I wish the screwdriver in the toolbox can be used as a Neuralyzer. Just flash it to erase your teacher’s memory of the last test which you were dicey about: it was either too easy or you got everything wrong. Propose to your crush and before that flying shoe hits your face, erase his/her memory. If you are a vigilante with a secret cape and someone uncovers your true identity, here is your chance to make things right.
7. A Fancy C.V.
Now, it may seem like I’m taking this too far. But these days job openings sound like “recent MBA graduates from Harvard having ten years of experience, with exceptional academic record of ten or more gold medals and some superpowers before the age of 23”. Thus, an attention grabbing C.V. is ultimately the legitimate professional selfie of a student’s life. Nobody wants to end up writing, “An average little kid doing average little things. Hire me! Pretty please.”
A rather optimistic student